why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i came on her dog
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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