After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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