Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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