Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
