i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
