No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
