btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
