I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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