I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
