Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
