im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
