great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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