i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
