if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
