I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
