So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
