I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
