Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
