New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
