Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
