i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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