The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
