You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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