I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
