So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
