Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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