So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
