he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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