you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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