We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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