I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
