Yo dont text me then not text me
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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