fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
