We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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