But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
