So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
