I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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