I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
