I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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