I wish I could teleport
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
