Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
