I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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