discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We left the knife in your bed.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
