Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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