put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
