I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
