he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
