anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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