I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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