Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
