I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
