I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
