My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
